Anyones day can be made better with laughter, even just a little. So, without further adu, here are some of my favorite quotes for your reading pleasure!

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re okay, then it’s you. - Rita Mae Brown

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana…The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can’t remember what they are. - Matt Lauer

Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way. - Homer Simpson

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a redhot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity. - Albert Einstein

Only two things are necessary to keep ones wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it. - Lyndon B. Johnson

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose. - Dennis Miller

A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah. - Ronald Reagan

I’ve been married five times, and people think that’s some bizarre thing, yet I’ve got buddies who refuse to get married and are intimate with 15 people a week. I’m like, Which is better? At least I was trying. - Billy Bob Thornton

I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix. - Dan Quayle

My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker. - Emo Phillips’ act

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There’s just one problem - it’s in North Korea. - Jon Stewart

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn’t be called research, would it? - Albert Einstein

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

Football combines two of the worst things in American life. It is violence punctuated by committee meetings. - George Will

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This entry was posted on Saturday, January 19th, 2008 at 7:29 am and is filed under Funny. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.