A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it’s a bad one.

Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. God works in mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers; the woman says, “So you’re a man. That’s interesting. I’m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but we’re unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days”.

Flattered, the man replies, “Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God! But your still at fault…women shouldn’t be allowed to drive.”

The woman continues, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.”

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cork back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”

The woman replies, “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police….”

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Women are clever, evil bitches.
Don’t mess with us.

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Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the
tree. Most men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are
afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the
apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy. The apples at the
top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they’re
amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one
who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men…. Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it’s up
to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something
acceptable to have dinner with.

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Hi kids, Mr. Fabulous here. You know, I’ve done scores of guest posts over the last few years for folks, and when Eve asked me to do one for Caffeine Overload I was thrilled. Then she told me that the post couldn’t include naughty words or incendiary statements or any displays of nudity by me. Or anyone.

Sheesh. Way to tie my hands. Gratuitous displays of nudity are my home run swing.

But I shall endeavor to persevere. It has been a while since I have done a Top Ten List. This way it’s an educational guest post, and I might qualify for some sort of grant for intellectual guys.

Top Ten Reasons I Do So Many Guest Posts

10. I get Green Stamps for every guest post (that would have made sense forty years ago).

9. If I don’t guest post, the terrorists win.

8. I guest post to make for inadequacies in…other areas.

7. Only seven more guest posts and I get to meet TV’s Regis Philbin.

6. Not much else to do on death row.

5. It’s either this or kick boxing, and I bruise like a peach.

4. I have to do one guest post a week as part of the terms of my community service.

3. I’m hoping to parlay this guest posting gig into a career as a teen pop sensation.

2. Chicks, dude. Chicks dig guest posters!

1. Dr. Phil tells me to.

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Q: Is it acceptable to wear pajamas at high noon if Nobody sees me, or am I committing a fashion faux-pas.

A: It is totally acceptable to wear pajamas at high noon. You can even wear them at low noon. In fact, you can wear them all day long. The only exception is in England you must not wear pajamas at tea time. Pajamas and tea don’t mix. The combination can be lethal. (See the November 2002 report: “Spontaneous combustion among British work-at-home hermits.”)

Q: How should I handle “casual Fridays” in my workplace?

A: I have replaced casual Fridays with “formal Thursdays”. Every Thursday, I take my daughter to the play center, forcing me to shower, shave and don formal wear. Don’t go overboard, though. My three-piece suit includes jeans, t-shirt and shoes.

Q: But what if I never go out?

A: Then stick to casual Fridays. Why not make Friday the day you wash your pajamas? All Nobody will see is the back of your chair, anyway.

Q: What if FedEx Guy comes to the door?

A: Tell FedEx Guy it’s casual Friday, and ask him if he really wants to see how a work-from-home hermit celebrates casual Fridays.

Q: If I work from home, do I still need a purse?

A: Of course. Without a purse, what would you carry to the bathroom? Make sure your purse matches your pajamas, though. You would not want Nobody to catch you with a poorly coordinated wardrobe. Personally, I don’t have a purse, but that’s just a guy thing.

Q: What about taking out the garbage?

A: When the odor starts to repel the postman, you might need to take out the garbage (just in case there is a rare check in the mail). Wear your pajamas to the curb, but I suggest replacing your slippers with shoes. Snowshoes are recommended in Edmonton…except in July and August. Don’t walk to the curb if you live on a houseboat.

Q: I feel so alone. Is that normal?

A: Get over it. You are part of a glorious economic movement, where people around the world choose to reject antiquated social norms and barricade themselves in their homes to make $53,976 in the first week of their new businesses. How could you feel lonely with so much money?

Q: Wow. I made only $3 in my first week. I bet my husband $3 that I could stay in my home office for three straight days without coming out. I won the bet, but I was forced to shower.

A: That’s not a question.

Q: OK, what if I make only $3 a week?

A: You might have to share your pajamas with Nobody…until you can afford a second pair.

Q: Is this really a growing trend?

A: Yes. The International Institute of Social Isolation reports that by 2055, 95% of people will be operating a home based business. The National Organization for Studying You (NOSY) reports that by 2055, 95% of people will be sharing their pajamas with Nobody…until they can afford a second pair.

Q: Wow. That’s a lot of pajamas. What does this mean for the future.

A: It means the pajama industry will become a major economic force.

Q: Do you know any good pajama-based mutual funds I could invest in to take advantage of this trend?

A: No, but how rich can you get investing $3 a week, anyway?

by David Leonhardt : David Leonhardt publishes The Happy Guy humor column. Get a free humor ebook with your purchase of Climb Your Stairway to Heaven. Check out also the free A Daily Dose of Happiness ezine David Leonhardt also runsa Liquid Vitamins website.

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How unbelievably cool is this? I want to get the one that grows strawberries and salad leaves. I don’t use herbs all that much but I think I would if they were so within reach!

The AeroGarden is the world’s first indoor smart garden - It’s so easy to use that anyone, with or without gardening experience can grow lush, beautiful gardens right in their homes. The computerized AeroGarden tells you to add water and nutrients. The micro-processor automatically adjusts nutrient delivery and water flow, and even turns grow lights on and off to simulate the sun.

I see them on late night informercials for more than at the site above, the only difference is that the commercials let you make several payments on it so it is not one big up front cost. I my get to convince my hubby to get me one with the tax refund money!

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