For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works.

Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

• You make the bed…..+1
• You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows…..0
• You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets…..-1
• You leave the toilet seat up…..-5
• You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty…..0
• When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex…..-1
• When the Kleenex runs out you use the nex t bathroom…. ; -2
• You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings…..+5
• In the snow …..+8
• But return with beer…..-5
• And no liners…..-25
• You check out a suspicious noise at night…..0
• You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing…..0
• You check out a suspicious noise and it is something…..+5
• You pummel it with a six iron…..+10
• It’s her cat…..-40

AT THE PARTY

• You stay by her side the entire party…..0
• You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old drinking buddy…..-2
• Named Tiffany…..-4
• Tiffany is a dancer…..-10
• With breast implants…..-18

HER BIRTHDAY

• You remember her birthday…..0
• You buy a card and flowers…..0
• You take her out to dinner…..0
• You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar…..+1
• Okay, it is a sports bar…..-2
• And it’s all-you-can-eat night…..-3
• It’s a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and you r face is painted the colors of your favorite team ¦.-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

• Go with a pal…..0
• The pal is happily married…..+1
• The pal is single…..-7
• He drives a Ferrari…..-10
• With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED)…..-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

• You take her to a movie…..+2
• You take her to a movie she likes…..+4
• You take her to a movie you hate…..+6
• You take her to a movie you like…..-2
• It’s called Death Cop III…..-3
• Which features Cyborgs that crush human skulls…..-9
• You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans…..-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE

• You develop a noticeable pot belly…..-15
• You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it…..+10
• You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts…..-30
• You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.”…..-800

THE BIG QUESTION

• She asks, “Does this dress make me look fat?”
• You hesitate in responding…..-10
• You reply, “Where?”…..-35
• You reply, “No, I think it’s your ass”…..-100
• Any other response…..-20

COMMUNICATION

• When she wants to talk about a problem:
• You listen, displaying a concerned expression…..0
• You listen, for over 30 minutes…..+5
• You relate to her problem and share a similar experience…..+50
• Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying, “…well, what do you think I should do?”…..-100
• You have fallen asleep…..-200

IT’S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH

• You talk…..-100
• You don’t talk…..-150
• You spend time with her……-200
• You don’t spend time with her…..-500
• You seem to be enjoying yourself..-1000

GAME OVER. YOU LOSE.

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Christmas time is a time of giving and receiving. And it is a time of bold lies by a lot of people, afterall, we all should know by now that even if you HATE the gift you show appreciation and not let them know you hate it. Here are some phrases you may have heard at Christmas and what the could mean!

1. “It is so beautiful!” = What will I do with this crap?!?
2. “You shouldn’t have?!” = I bet you shouldn’t have, what is this thing anyway?!
3. “This is so neat!” = Not!
4. “This is exactly what I wanted!” = I bought it a day ago, I hope I can return it!
5. “I so love the colors!” = Wow blue and pink socks… I will re-gift next year!
6. “The smell is so yummy!” = Smells like armpit!
7. “I can’t wait to play with it!” = It should only take a second to destroy!
8. “This is the perfect thing!” = For my cat to pee on!
9. “I hope it fits!” = This is not gonna fit!
10. “Wow honey, how did you ever guess?” = Just another reason to divorce you!

All in fun, I am sure everyone really did love their gift!

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1. Ask the instructor if he wants to race you after you pass the test
2. Ply your own mix tape really loudly during the test, heavy metal works best for this!
3. Spin the tires and rev up the vehicle and honk madly if any kids wave at you from the back of a bus.
4. Slow down and yell at anyone attractive, honking and waving
5. Tell the instructor that you are only driving this slow to pass, that you really drive at least 40 over the speed limit
6. Ask the instructor if they have ever had a car test in a talking car like KITT in knight rider
7. When asked to turn left, turn right instead, when asked why say, “you mean my left”
8. When asked if you can touch the pedals reach down with your hands and say yes.
9. Ask the instructor to duck down so none of your friends see you with them
10. Ask if it is possible to travel back in time in any delorean, or if you had to make adjustments, also if you would need a special license for time travel

Follow those rules and you will fail in no time!

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I have heard stories that this is a urban legend, I can’t imagine it really happening, if so, that poor guy, he was literally all alone. I would hope that SOMEONE would come looking after a day or so! What do you think? Did it really happen?

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You can get more info on it here, it is not in stores yet, but should be soon. Right now it is hand made so it is very expensive.

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